Pooka in My Pantry
Monster Haven, Book Two
R.L. Naquin
R.L. Naquin
Book Description:
Zoey
Donovan—empath, wedding planner, go-to girl for monsters with personal
problems—has been marked twice for pickup by Death. On both occasions, Riley
the smoking-hot reaper has refused to follow through. For his breach of
protocol, Riley is now on probation. For her refusal to die on schedule, Zoey's
right to live is challenged. She will have to undergo a life-or-death trial,
but she won't know when or where it will happen…
Staying
alive might not be so difficult if the Leprechaun Mafia hadn't strolled into
town. Now every business owner with the slightest connection to the
supernatural community is being threatened with the most appalling bad luck if
they don't pay up. Mirrors are smashed, bodies are dropping, and Zoey's still
got clients waiting for fabric samples.
With a
little luck, she might be able to save everyone and still have time for a
second attempt at a decent first date with her favorite reaper.
Excerpt:
You help one
monster in need, and everybody hears about it.
The recent appearance of various monsters and mythical creatures in my
life took some adjustment. But no amount of flexibility prepared me to assist
in the live birth of a sea serpent in my own backyard. That’s a lot to ask of
anybody.
My swimming pool looked like a major crime scene, and I was pretty sure
bits of mucus mixed with dried blood flecked my hair. I’d probably have to take
out a personal loan to cover the water bill once I took a three-hour shower,
then drained and refilled the pool.
When the sea serpent appeared in my pool a month before, I had no clue
what to do about it. Fortunately, Maurice, my resident closet monster, was
quick on his feet. While I stood slack-jawed at the kitchen window, he ran to
get Molly to be our translator. Fluent in all sorts of crazy creature languages
ranging from house pets to gargoyles, Molly, the brownie, lived in a mushroom
house in my backyard with her kids.
As it happened, she was unable to decipher a word of sea-serpentese.
Fortunately, a pygmy dragon with a nasty cold had recently spent his
convalescence in my garage. Molly spoke dragonish, and Bruce, the dragon, spoke
serpentese. Problem solved.
Except it took over three weeks to find Bruce, leaving us with no idea
why a listless, snorting sea serpent had moved into my swimming pool.
Communicating in pantomime with a creature that had no hands was futile, absurd
and probably hilarious to watch.
When Bruce (via Molly) explained the situation, I did my best not to
panic. The sea serpent was pregnant, but she could tell something was wrong.
Naturally, she came ashore to my house for help, since everyone in the
supernatural community seemed to think I had the answer to every problem.
I had no experience delivering healthy babies of any species. All I had
to go on were basic anatomy and zoology classes in college, and a wealth of
medical procedural shows on television. And yet, something inside me clicked
when Frannie went into labor and the baby stopped moving. I jumped into the
water without a thought for my spangled, dry-clean-only shirt, or for the
discomfort of wet jeans and high tops. In hindsight, I should’ve at least
kicked off my shoes.
I’m not sure how to describe the supreme ick factor of having both arms
shoved up to the elbow inside a sea serpent’s body. The baby was turned wrong,
kind of folded in half and pointed to emerge center-first, rather than in a
straight line with its head or tail facing the exit.
“Don’t push, Frannie,” I said. “I have to unfold the baby or it’ll stay
stuck.”
Molly made a series of grunting snorts, which Bruce translated into a
series of clicks and yowls. I felt the serpent relax around my squashed arms
and wrestled the slippery baby into a better position. Another contraction hit
and I stopped, waiting until I had more room to work.
The mournful cry from Frannie needed no translation.
When the contraction was over, I made another grab with one hand to hold
the baby steady and pulled the head with the other. I’m not a dainty woman, but
I’m not big enough to palm a basketball, either. That’s what it felt like I was
trying to do in there, only the basketball in question had eyes I needed to
avoid poking, and it was covered in what felt like tapioca pudding.
I got a good grip on a dorsal fin at what I hoped was the back of its
neck as the next contraction hit.
“Push!”
Clacks and snarls followed down the translation line, and Frannie pushed
while I pulled. My other hand shoved, guiding the rest of the baby straight.
Once the head slipped into place, nature took over, and out everything slid.
Right into my pool and all over me.
As an empath, I try never to leave the house without my protective walls
up. The emotions of other people tend to overwhelm and drain me. But I was at
home, and I was exhausted. I’d been so focused on the birth that I hadn’t built
any barriers, so there was nothing between me and the small group around me to
barricade my psyche against what wasn’t mine. I stood in the frigid water,
unconcerned by my shaking body or the gore that covered me.
The emotional inrush saturated me in love and happiness.
Frannie nuzzled her new offspring, and a quiet joy settled over me,
warming my freezing flesh. From Molly’s direction, relief lay across my
shoulders like a heated blanket, and Bruce’s delight prickled my skin in
electric jolts. My eyelids burned. I closed them to relieve the sensation. My
back bumped against the side of the pool, and I let my knees bend so I could
float.
Worry.
Panic.
They shot through the other emotions like tiny arrows. My eyelids cracked
open, but only for a few seconds. Nothing was wrong. All was right. My job was
done, so what would it hurt to take a little rest?
Thin fingers dug into the flesh in my arms, hauling me from the pool. I
made a weak attempt to slap at the intruder.
“Zoey, come on, wake up.” Maurice was there, dragging me away from the
water and piling towels on my wet skin.
My eyes snapped open. Well, crap. I lay flat on the pavement, still
shivering, despite the previous illusion of warmth. Bodily fluids coated my
skin, and Maurice had covered me with my good towels.
The closet monster’s big yellow eyes hovered inches from my face. His
worry was so intense, it blocked all the warm fuzzy stuff happening behind him.
He coaxed me to my feet, fussing at the towels to keep them from sliding off,
and leading me into the house.
“Seriously, Zoey. I don’t know how you stayed alive before I got here. If
you didn’t drown, hypothermia would’ve had you.”
About the Author:
Rachel’s head is packed with
an outrageous amount of useless Disney trivia. She is terrified of thunder, but
not of lightning, and tends to recite the Disneyland dedication speech during
storms to keep herself calm. She finds it appalling that nobody from Disney has
called yet with her castle move-in date.
Originally from Northern
California, she has a tendency to move every few years, resulting in a total of
seven different states and a six-year stint in England. Currently, she’s
planning her next grand adventure. Rachel has one heroic husband, two genius
kids, several annoyed cats, and an imaginary dog named Waffles.
She doesn’t have time for a
real dog.
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Happy Reading!
Cana
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